


press my nose up to the glass around your heart

by maisiedaisy



Series: in which prokopenko is kavinsky's downfall [1]
Category: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater
Genre: Angst, M/M, character study kind of???, idk this needs some work and editing, ill make it up to everyone, it's necessary, k is kind of an asshole to proko, proko just needs a hug from himself, sorry about this, there's fluff for like three seconds and then it all goes downhill from there, ugh i dont even know what this is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 04:17:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9218558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maisiedaisy/pseuds/maisiedaisy
Summary: Proko trembles, everything he was going to say falling out of him in the shaking of his hands. “Fuck you.” Is all he says in a quivering, pathetic voice. And then he is gone, pretending that he is not going to cry.~~~Joseph Kavinsky is untouchable but Prokopenko still falls in love with him.





	

Prokopenko rests his head against Kavinsky’s chest and watches the smoke filter from the older boy’s lips. Proko bites lazily at the air, trying to catch the ghost of tendrils, a peaceful calm settling gently over the two boys. Kavinsky is all soft smiles and fingertips stroking against Proko’s freckled cheeks. There’s a flush staining K’s cheekbones and it’s got more to do with the curl of Proko’s tongue around his finger than the weed heating up his blood.

There’s something tragically soft in the way Kavinsky is looking at Prokopenko and it makes his toes curl because his heart is beating too fast for it to be safe. Proko knows. He _knows_ not to get caught up in someone as terrible and magnetic as Joseph Kavinsky, because Kavinsky is a piece of trash, dead-before-twenty-three broken boy. He’s a dream thief and a thunderstorm, son of a monster and son of a vague. There should be nothing about him to love (proko knows. he’s heard it enough times from the others) but Kavinsky is a like a bad habit and Prokopenko has never been a quitter. (so it’s not an accident when “i love you” crawls out)

 

_..._

 

Nobody except Skov and Prokopenko show up at school the next day. Skov because of soccer practice and Proko because the big mansion was too small with Joseph Kavinsky’s self-destruct button on. He’s hurting in a way Proko doesn’t understand and Proko knows he should be there, comforting Kavinsky with sweet fingertips but he’s _not his boyfriend_ and knows that that’s exactly what K would tell him. Because, fuck, Kavinsky never lets anyone help him. Doesn’t like owing favors or the itch of relying on someone other than himself. Joseph Kavinsky is the type of broken-bodied, shattered-soul that only trusts himself.

 

_..._

 

Prokopenko is kind of sad in an empty, detached way. The world feels like the way rain sounds when you’re in an echoing car driving 100 down the freeway. Kavinsky is gone, Ronan Lynch is here, and Prokopenko is fucking scared. Lynch has a sneer on his face, like he’s above all of them just by being leashed to Richard Gansey III. If Kavinsky was here, he’d sneer right back at Ronan and show him his teeth, turn his tongue into a gun, teeth against the trigger, cock and pull it, words setting Ronan Lynch on fire. But Kavinsky is not here so Prokopenko tells Lynch to fuck off back to the shit he wallowed out of. The words are barely out of his mouth before Lynch has Proko shoved against the wall, his eyes twin warning signs that scream _turn back now, danger ahead_. Proko feels like a spineless sack of shit when he looks away from those eyes.

 

_..._

 

Kavinsky’s bed smells like sex and Prokopenko buries his cold nose against the colder sheets, an aching hollowness, belly-up, in his throat. It’s so late at night, it’s almost strange how quiet this moment is. 12:39 am on a Friday night and not a single person is fucking, puking, or partying. It’s something Proko finds he oddly misses because he knows if there was a shitstorm of a part occurring, Proko would be in K’s lap or tucked into the older’ boy’s waist because that’s the type of possessive K is.

Jiang is walking into the room. Probably for the first time because God forbid anyone enter K’s room,(k likes privacy as much as he likes to dream--which is to say he depends on it); this is how Proko knows Kavinsky won’t be coming back tonight.

Proko sighs and let’s Jiang be his Kavinsky for the night, all the time thinking about how _furious_ K would be.

 

_…_

 

K is _gone._

Ronan Lynch hasn’t seen him.

Adam Parrish hasn’t seen him.

Gansey is glad he hasn’t seen him.

And it’s been a week.

K is _gone._

 

_…_

 

Proko thinks that if (when when when) Kavinsky comes home, he might like to rip his hair out.

Swan laughs, “Nah you’ll probably just end up fucking.”

 

_…_

 

K comes home and Proko leaves because he does not get an apology, an explanation, or even a second glance. All he gets is a “Just leave me the fuck alone. We are nothing. This is nothing. _You are nothing_. Stop acting like my goddamn boyfriend all the goddamn time”. Prokopenko knows what discarded is and so he packs a bag and gets the hell out.

He stays with a boy from Aglionby who he reckons he could fall in love with. (because falling in love is exactly what proko does best and the boy is so different from kavinsky) The boy is older than Kavinsky, nicer, smarter, cleaner. Seems like a _man._

It doesn’t last. The boy has a girlfriend and the girlfriend has a jealous streak and Proko is not exactly known for keeping his pants around his waist and not around his ankles.

 

_…_

 

It’s two days later and Proko has filled up the empty space in his home--his real home. With a mother who doesn’t know how to talk to him and a father who doesn’t really know him. It’s quiet and it’s nice but his bed is smaller and colder.

He wakes up that night rutting against the sheets, his hands fisted in them, moaning _Joseph_ and he’s so. Fucking. Mad. Because even after Kavinsky tells him he means nothing, he is _all he can think about every damn second_.

So he reads to take his mind off of K and decides he rather likes not thinking about him.

 

_…_

 

“He wants you to come home, you know.” Jiang tells him on the phone. “He misses you.”

“He can tell me himself then.”

 

_…_

 

Proko sees K at school the next day and is shocked the other boy has made an appearance. He looks good. Great. Extraordinarily pissed off. Proko ducks into the nearest classrooms and pretends not to hear the teacher when she asks him to leave.

 

_..._

 

It is lunch and Richard Gansey is talking to him. Proko is too suspicious to completely register the words Gansey is saying. He hears, “Sorry” and his mind goes blank.  
“Um. What?” Proko’s reply is hardly intelligent.

“Well I heard Kavinsky kicked you out of the house because he got tired of you and I just wanted to say that I’m sorry that happened. You seem like a nice kid. Kavinsky treated you like shit and I’m glad you’re away from his toxicity.”  
Proko can only blink. “He...what? He’s telling everyone he kicked me out?”  
Gansey nodded solemnly all wide, earnest eyes and a sympathetic smile. His lapdogs behind him eye Proko warily but share the same look of pity. “Yes. If you want you can maybe come stay with us?”  
Ronan hisses something behind Gansey and the boy turns around and hisses right back. A silent argument ensues and Proko turns down the offer as quickly as possible and storms away to find Kavinsky.

 

_…_

 

Proko finds him smoking in the locker room. He shoves the taller boy against the lockers, snarling ferally and feeling so immensely powerful in that split second that he sees a vulnerability in K’s eyes. It is gone in a second and K quirks an eyebrow daringly, “Something you need, baby?”

Proko trembles, everything he was going to say falling out of him in the shaking of his hands. “Fuck you.” Is all he says in a quivering, pathetic voice. And then he is gone, pretending that he is not going to cry.

_…_

 

_How does this piece of shit have such a fucking hold over him it’s like he can’t breathe?_

_…_

  


Prokopenko is only a little bit disappointed that neither Jiang, Skov, or Swan come to visit him at his house. (actually he’s incredibly disappointed and spent a good half of saturday crying about it)

 

_…_

 

The TV is on, his parents aren’t home and for the first time in a while he feels lonely. At first it’s in a sad way, a crushing, crippling, “nobody cares about me” way. But now it’s elating, an epiphany. He thinks, in his loneliness, that he needs to put himself first once in awhile and realize that not everything in his life revolves around Joseph fucking Kavinsky. The freedom that comes with that is almost trembling inside of him and Proko feels unbreakable.

 

(proko closes his eyes and smiles because he still misses kavinsky and he’s not happy but he’s content for the time being and that is enough)

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading :) :)  
> For those of you wondering, yes there will be a sequel and all will end well. Let me know what you think and if there's anything you think I should add or fix!! 
> 
> Song title from "Babel" By Mumford and Sons.


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